Everyone makes mistakes. We all do. But we all should forgive and forget and if someone says that it's all in the past, it is. I don't have much to say now. Honestly, I'm numb. I don't know when I stopped caring. I probably started caring less the first time you hurt me. You did it over and over again. And each time was like a scar, a crack beneath the perfect facade. And one day, I just realised I had enough. And then I stopped caring altogether. Because I knew that I didn't deserve this.

A new year, a new beginning, a new chance to start anew. Without you.

It's been ages since I last blogged.. Ive been busy.. I guess

You know people always talk about forgiving and forgetting like it was so fucking easy. The truth is, it's not. I mean, people hurt people. It's a fact of life, be it love or friendship. And when you say shit about people, the hurt just doesn't go away like that. When does it come to a point when push comes to shove and you realise that enough is enough?

Anyway I've been feeling rather lousy this past week because my parents aren't going to pay for my UK trip. Wtf really. My younger brother has been to so many countries and cities around the world- Paris, Switzerland, London, Venice, Japan, Korea, Dubai, HK, Thailand, Austrailia, New Zealand and... I can't even remember! It's fucking unfair the more I think about it. I was dreaming of a white Christmas this year and now that's not going to come true.

Anyhoo, my exams are coming up this week. Only 2 more weeks and I'll be freeee! And my babygirls will be back from overseas :) Can't wait to see them.

I swear

that in the future

I'm going to be financially independent

and not have to feel as if I have to 'beg' my parents for money anymore.

And I will be a good parent.

I got this from Wanxian who got this from her friend Cheryl's blog

"The kind that will treat you right. The kind that searches for you with all his heart. The kind that respects you and adores you.

Every girl needs a man who won’t cheat on her. One who can be trusted in a room full of beautiful girls. Because he’s smart enough to know that he already has a girl who has everything that he wants, needs and more.

The right guy will never leave you lonely and wondering. You will always know where you stand with him. He will be your best friend and lover. He’ll call you early in the morning just to say good morning or late at night to say good night and maybe even tell you about his day, to make you laugh or talk to you until you fall asleep.

This guy will be the kind that’ll do anything for you, even if it’s just to go to the store to buy you your favorite ice cream(or gummy). He’ll buy you flowers just because, and will notice your hair when you’ve gotten it cut or have gotten all gussied up specially for him.

You deserve a guy who will cherish you. He’d never be afraid to smile to his friends when you’re around and tell them, “She’s the one”. He’d appreciate you for the things you do for him, even if they’re little..

He’ll be chivalrous. He’ll wait for you when you’re falling behind, open doors for you and will walk you to the door to make sure you get in safely. He would defend and fight for you and never bail on you when you need him most.

The right guy will call you beautiful instead of hot, he’ll kiss your forehead when you’re down and he’ll be the one who will love you for everything you are."

I couldn't agree more. If you find a guy like that, he's definitely a keeper :-)

I shifted into PGP 3 weeks ago but I'm shifting out on Wednesday. I never had a housewarming party though I was planning one. I'm quite sad about the fact that I have to leave, but that's the only way my parents will quit bugging me about how staying at PGP is a waste of money. I like it here though, the independence and the freedom. It really feels invigorating, waking up as and when you want, with noone nagging at you everyday telling you this that this that. It gets so suffocating sometimes.

Pardon my random musings at 4:32am in the morning. I was just looking through some photos on facebook and I just started thinking about stuff.

Anyway, life in general has been good. The usual ups and downs. I wake up at 12 pm everyday and sleep at 3am. I know it's really unhealthy to adopt this kinda lifestyle but I can't help it! I love the random midnight suppers with my friends, the nights out in town, spontaneous outings and just about everything really.School can get so busy sometimes with projects and all, I hardly have time for my other friends and family. Never mind though, Christmas is coming and I'm wishing for a white christmas this year. I spent christmas last year with my family in Japan. It was amazing. Japan is such a beautiful place, I wanna go back. The weather was amazing too.

It's been a year since Mamma Mia last year, how everything came together so perfectly, like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. I honestly don't know what the future might bring. But what matters now is that you're with me and that's all that matters for now.

I'm off to sleep! Tired.

xx

It's kinda fucked up when you think about it. 

No one will be there for you forever, really.
People use the word "forever" so frivolously, does "forever" even mean anything anymore?

And yes, the sad truth is that at the end of it all, you can't depend on anyone. 

Anyone but yourself that is.

I just read Haowen's livejournal and seriously, that girl is hilarious. I was basically LOL-ing at every post till my mom told me to keep the noise level down. I'm meeting her on friday I think. :) Anyway, I permed my hair once, cut it thrice, then straightened it.. All in a matter of three days. No wonder my hair is so fucked up now. Next time I should just learn how to restrain my itchy fingers and let my hair grow out. I look like a freaking auntie now. :(

Anyway, life has been.. good and bad. Does that even make sense? Good because I finally feel as if I have some sort of direction in life. I'm not so clueless as before. School's.. bearable and fun at times. I'm feeling more and more isolated from some of my nus friends. Last year, I c

ould walk into school and say hi to maybe 5,6 people along the way? Now, it's kinda like a different story.. I'm not too bothered by it though. I'm sure all of us have learnt that it's not the number of fair weather, casual hi bye friends you have, it's the number of close friends you have and should treasure. Like my friend Leonard said - "What happened to you Soph? You used to be so happening and u always went to every party!" Hahaha that comment literally made me LOL.

I look forward everyday to the weekends. Not much of a problem anyway cus weekdays fly by so quickly! It feels kinda good working your ass off during weekdays and relaxing on weekends :) My life now has sort of like a routine-feel to it and I quite like it.

Two more weeks to recess week! And my parents are going to Bangkok on thursday.. I cant help but feel a tad envious. They keep going on trips but they seldom take me along! It's always Elias (my little brother) going with them. I wanna go shopping. The shopping in BK is insane. But ohwell. I guess I'll just have to save money and go during december I guess.

Off to sleep now, night!

You know it's love when the mere sight of him (even with uncombed, flat hair and crumpled clothes) still makes your heart beat a little faster.

You know it's love when you think everything he does is adorable. Even though they really are quite weird and.. gross?

You know it's love when the kisses still make you feel weak.

You know it's love when he's the first and last person you think about each day

You know it's love when you can imagine being with him everyday and yet not have one single, awkward moment together

You know it's love when you feel so completely at ease with him

You know it's love when he's just like your best friend.

You know it's love when you feel fugly but he still says "To me, you're still the prettiest girl in the world."

You know it's love when the little things he says and does still puts a smile on your face.

You know it's love when things go wrong, all you wanna do is to just hug him tight and hear him say that everything's going to be alright.

You know it's love when he loves you just for the way you are.

You know it's love when he seems like one of the best things that have happened to you.

Dear baby,

I told myself after the last one that I wasn't gonna fall head over heels for another person again and most importantly, I couldn't (or more like, shouldn't) love him more than he loved me. I didn't want to experience heartbreak again.

But then you came along, so suddenly. And I saw you in a different light - how wonderful, giving and sweet you could be. And even though I was so hesitant at first, you swept me off my feet and brought so much joy and love into my life just when I thought I couldn't love again. You make me so happy.

Now I'm scared shitless.
Because sometimes I think that you're the only person I really need in my life (other than my family members of course).

So what's going to happen now? What's going to happen if you do go overseas next year, for 6 years? You'll be away in a foreign land, having the time of your life. While I'll be stuck here by myself, lonely and missing you dreadfully. What does that mean for us?

I wish you didn't have to go, sweetheart. You know I'd be so lost without you.

(I'm sorry this is such an emo post.)

I wish I knew how to make you happy.
I wish you knew me well enough.
No, scratch that. I know that you know me well enough, so why is it that you don't know when to just give in and at that right moment, hug me tight and tell me everything's gonna be alright? The reason is simple, you just don't want to. It doesn't matter at all to you when all I want is for you to just hold my hand? When we argue and I admit I'm in the wrong, the last thing I'd want you to do is to push me away and worse still, start another quarrel in the car? Fuck this. I'm really tired of trying. I get more exhausted each time we quarrel. The quarrels just get worse and worse. And when I cry, it's not as if I'm doing it for attention or worse still, because I want your pity. Sometimes, I wonder if all this is even worth it.

Noone is fucking perfect. You aren't either. SO stop pretending you are.

Tired of being second best...

Memories fade,

like looking through a fogged mirror

Decisions to decisions are made and not fought

But I thought,

this wouldn't hurt a lot.

I guess not.

PS. I love you : )

I just downloaded so many of my favourite songs! Suede, Coldplay, Santana, MGMT.. I love quiet nights like tonight, just me and my laptop, listening to good ol' music. I bought Brinden the Coldplay CD for his birthday this year and we always listen to their music in his car. It's so awesome. I think Coldplay's Viva La Vida album is the best album ever. I wish I went for their concert earlier this year! But I went for the Oasis one instead.

I had dinner at Waffletown with Brinden just now. Had 8 deep fried chicken wings and a fish burger. Wafflewon has such delicious food! The food there is very underrated. I dont know how some girls starve themselves all the time just to look pretty. I don't see a point really. I live to eat, not eat to live. Maybe that explains my constant weight gain though haha. On a side note, Brinden's new car guzzles oil like nobody's business. He paid for fuel yesterday and he had to pay for fuel again today. =/

Anyway, the lyrics to Suede - She's In Fashion are HELLA CUTE.

I can imagine a lovestruck boy singing this song about a girl he's admired (and wanted) for ages.

She's the face on the radio
She's the body on the morning show
She's there shaking it out on the scene
And she's the colour of a magazine

And she's in fashion
Ouh Ouh Ouh
And she's in fashion
Ouh Ouh Ouh

She's employed where the sun don't set
And she's the shape of a cigarette
And she's the shake of a tambourine
And she's the colour of a magazine

She is strung out on a TV dream
And she's the taste of the gasoline
And she's as similar as you can get
To the shape of a cigarette

The sunshine will blow my mind
And the wind blows my brain

One year ago, I was in love with someone else. But I didn't appreciate him and I was such a selfish, demanding bitch. And I let the love of my life slip through my fingers. I guess you never appreciate someone till he/she's gone.

I promise I won't make that mistake again.

I didn't know I could feel so fucked up. And I mean it.

Guess who showed up at my door with

- Maggi Goreng with an egg

- Chocolate Chip bread

- Jellybites

- Bite Sized chocolates

- 1.5l bottle of Lemon tea

- DVDs

- Archie Comics

- FHM (Haha)

so that my next 4 days of home quarantine will be so much easier.

Aww I'm so touched. My baby is the best <3

Alright, I never thought this day would come.

Goodbye love. Goodbye to the happiest days of my life.

Sometimes I just feel so lost. Just half a year ago, I felt so optimistic and I thought that this time, things might actually be different. I never knew that the things you say sometimes could hurt so much. And sometimes I'll feel so hurt when you tell me things, shout at me and tell me that I'm stupid.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"You're disgusting"

"Why do you dress so sluttily?"

Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm a jinx. I'm not perfect either, I know. But I'm trying.

The day when I walk away from you, will be the day you realise that you'll never be more alone, and that noone could ever have loved you as much as I did.

It's been so long since a proper, long post. Let's see. Life has been predictable, but pleasant. I've been eating alot of good food, having breakfasts in bed, watching movies online, spending lots of quality time with B. And life has been simple and good :-) No more crazy late nights out. But maybe all that will change when Kat comes back to Sg in two weeks! Then we'll be able to go for more suppers, more parties.. Basically a repeat of the December holidays last year. God I miss those times. Not because of the partying, but because of the warm, fuzzy feeling I got so often during those days.

I can't wait for FOC Camp next week. I've always wanted to be an OGL, but I never got the chance to do so. During JC, I failed my Promos so I had to retake the exams instead of being an OGL during Orientation. Looking back now, I don't regret anything that happened during JC days. Ok maybe I regret not studying much more. But other than that, I think JC times were really memorable, and I won't trade those sweet memories for anything in the world..

The first year of university just flew past like that. Seems like just a few months ago when I was a Freshman. And now I'm already a Sophomore (ok fine I know we're in Singapore and we don't call ourselves Freshmen/Sophomores/whatever but who cares). Only three more years and I'll be working. And then another few more years I might even get married! Scary isn't it. But no way I'm gonna get married at the void deck (though it's a malay tradition)

I wish I could stay sweet 19 forever. Which reminds me, only a few more months and I'll be 20. How depressing.

Trust ;

Firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing.

Mambo yesterday! It was my first time since.. a long time. I've concluded that clubbing is a waste of $$$ seriously. I think I spent close to a hundred yesterday? And now that Brinden doesnt really club anymore, I doubt I'll be clubbing again in a long time! Or until Kat comes back. I miss her so much. Alright I'm off to do a food review with Denise. Shit I'm starving :)