The title of my blog reads - "P.S. I love you"
It sounds simple but it can mean so many things.

I love you.. but only as a friend?
I love you in more ways than one?
I love you.. just like a sister loves her brother
I love you, you're my soulmate.
Or simply - I love you and I can't imagine my life without you.
I love you and I want you to be mine.

One thing I don't understand about myself - I find it so hard to let go. I found the courage to utter those words and actually mean it some time ago but hey, it took me a whole freaking year to do so. A whole freaking year! I should add "To not be so emotionally attached to someone, anyone" to my list of New Year Resolutions. But who actually follows new year resolutions anyway? I know I never did.

This is all my fault, why can't I just be sure about something for just once in my life? I hate it that I'm so fickle. There, I said it. I'm fickle and I suck at making decisions. (Case in point- I can spend a whole day deciding whether I should get a particular dress and at the end of the day, I find myself buying a skirt instead) Nothing is ever that simple and damnit, I wish I can just open up and tell you how I really feel about you. But I can't because I'm unsure myself. Maybe that day was a mistake and maybe it was just a spur-of-the-moment thing. Because right now, it sure does feel like it - it was just a spur of the moment thing. Too late, what's done is done and there's no use hoping and wishing that I can turn back time. Why do things have to be so complicated? But I don't want to turn back time. Because if I did, I wouldn't have known how it felt to be loved again, to feel safe again. This is a mess. I feel like a mess.

Thank god for the consistency I have in my life right now. No more rude surprises. I hate unpleasant surprises, they make me feel so vulnerable and powerless. Also, thank god for the wonderful friends and family I have. My parents, they aren't perfect I know. But they're trying. And no matter how often I rant and whine and complain about them, they're still my parents and I love them. And of course, those awesome people who have always been there for me 24/7. I might not show it but really, i'm thankful that I have such wonderful people in my life who have stood by my side through thick and thin.

Tomorrow's Monday - the start of a new week. Wow, I'm gonna be 19 in exactly two weeks time. And i'm gonna make sure I spend my birthday with people who actually care about me. God, I cringe whenever I think about that embarrassing message I sent to a particular someone just a few weeks ago. I definitely wont disclose what I wrote in that message but seriously, my cheeks still burn when I think about it. Sigh.. I don't wanna grow up though, I wanna be sweet 18 forever >:(

Food for thought, something I found on the internet which I found rather sweet :)
The past like some unquiet ghost still moves
Within, too fraught with longing to forget.
We have moved on, as is mature and wise.
But love, though long abandoned, never dies.

Have an awesome weekend!