Part of the reason why I always choose to ignore the good things people say about me (I'm not bragging, I'm sure everyone has received compliments at least once in their lives) and instead believe the negative words they say, simply put- ever since young, people have been  putting me down. Not aggressively and in-your-face, but subtly. 

Brinden brought up something yesterday which really upset me. He said something which totally made me question myself. Who the hell am I? I won't disclose what he said but he struck a raw nerve and made me question my beliefs. I don't even know who I am sometimes. It wasn't that he was being insensitive. Okay fine maybe a little. But it sort of made sense. 

In primary school, my parents were the ones to constantly chide and punish me, for every small damn fucking trivial thing I did wrong. I was so afraid of making mistakes and 'incurring the wrath of my dad'.

In secondary school, * kept mocking my round face, my goldfish eyes, my overgrown tits, my this- that, my every small damn thing which brought out my insecurities. I never mentioned it because I always laughed it off but yeah it's all out in the open now. And just so you know, I have never ever insulted you and made you feel lousy before.

In JC, a certain someone didn't make me feel wanted and loved. And I always found myself comparing myself to this girl, that girl. I constantly wondered how come I was the one who bothered most of the time. 

B's parents. Damn unfair, biased and judgmental.

And now, B. Really? Saying that I don't have a right to talk about your past 'girls'? I'm your girl friend for goodness sakes. Of course I have a fucking right to talk about your past 'loves' (sense the sarcasm here? If they were that fucking great, they wouldn't even have done the things they did in the end. You talk about my past too. Does that mean you're a hypocrite? Did I ever say you don't have a right to talk about my past? What you said was the most hurtful thing that you could have possibly said to me and I won't ever forget it. 

Fucking great.

Sad, isn't it//

I think we have to learn to love ourselves first, before others can love us. This applies to everyone I guess. We should stop criticising, and start loving ourselves. If we don't start now, then when will we ever? I have to keep reminding myself too that looks and brains aren't everything for fucks sake. Brains and looks are definitely something. Nobody's going to deny that. But not everyone's born beautiful and smart. I know I'm not. Most aren't born stunning.In fact, we're all imperfect. We're human. If someone's more goodlooking or smarter than you, does that mean he/she is better than you? That's bullshit. Looks fade. And what's the use of having the brains if your character's bullshit? 

And if someone doesn't like you or judges you, who fucking cares????

This is my honest diary entry so far. But the main point is - 

The world would be a much happier place if we stop hating, and start loving.