Dear Diary,

       I know I write only when I am feeling perturbed or upset about something.

       This blog reminds me of all the times when I felt sad or hurt or just plain helpless. This blog reminds me of all the times I felt horrible, so much so that I would just turn on the computer and type out whatever came to my mind. Some people call it ranting; I call it a mere form of release. And then I’ll feel better.

Years later when all this has passed, I am sure I will look back and read these entries and realise how stupid and ignorant I really was.

        We are peculiar creatures. Too often we realise that we are like chameleons. We learn to adapt, to change accordingly to the environments we are exposed to. We can’t help it. We’re human after all. But how much do we have to change without changing ourselves entirely and permanently in the process? Because I don’t want to change. I just want to be me. And if that’s not good enough for you, too bad. I’m not going to change for you. Or for anyone else for that matter.

        There's gotta be more to life, than chasing down every temporary high.

        Temporary high - I guess that's why some people turn to alcohol. But I don't. I’m not too sure how I get my happy high. Don't get me wrong. I am happy. But I just can't help feeling like there's something missing in my life.

      This blog has been wonderful. I can write whatever I want without this nagging conscience at the back of my head – warning me to be careful with what I type. But then again, I don’t give a shit about what people think of me anymore.  And I’m tired of always seeming like the “bad person”. Everyone is human for goodness sakes. We all make mistakes. And if you fucking can’t learn to forgive and forget, I honestly don’t give a shit anymore. Really.

I used to tell myself - "I just want him back."

Now I tell myself - "It's okay, it's his loss." And it is.

Maybe if I stopped being so judgmental and if I learnt not to be so picky, I’ll learn to love someone again.

       And I’m looking forward to that. :)

       I promise I'll write again soon.

Till then.

Love, Sophia.